And thus I find myself in a different place of recovery than I have ever been before. The realization is finally striking me that redemption is all around. But I have to move to access it. I have to show that I want it, that I would do anything to have it. I have to show that I am ready to be carried by starting my own walk in the right direction.
I've been trying so hard to do this recently, and am incredibly blessed to have amazing friends and family helping me along the way. A good sponsor, in particular, has helped me put together a plan of daily activities (the completion of which I am accountable for at the end of the day) that are helping me access the power of redemption in the small moments of my everyday life. This plan is fueled by the concept of movement. I'm accessing the redemption that is available to me by actually doing things. I must act to recover. I must move.
It has been pointed out to me that I have put myself in an interesting position by being so public with the things I struggle with. I must recover in order to bring hope to those around me who are also struggling. Failure is not an option; not merely because I need to succeed for my own salvation, but also because I can be an example of success to other fighters. People need to know that it is possible to beat pornography addiction. I, with countless other successful men and women, can be that example. While I have to want to beat it for myself, I'm learning to remember that my fight (and the corresponding success or failure) does and will effect the people around me.
With that all being said, let me share two points of my daily "plan" that I have found particularly helpful in giving me strength to avoid temptation. I hope others can seek things that help them to stay strong, just as these ideas have helped me.
1) Daily Scripture Study and Working of the 12 Steps
I carpool into work with a couple guys who start work an hour and a half before I do. After dropping them off, I've chosen to utilize my freetime to have a morning study session. I go through 1-2 chapters of the Book of Mormon every morning. I listen to the audio of the chapter while following along on my iPad. I look for points of application as I read and listen. After this, I do a brief review of the step that I'm working on in the LDS 12 Step Addiction Recovery book. I answer the Study and Understanding questions at the end of the chapter I'm on, and journal about my thoughts and feelings concerning the step. The scripture study helps me to find a deeper understanding concerning the points of the Atonement; the 12 Steps help me apply these points into my personal struggles.
2) 2 Hours/Day of Reverent Music
Music plays a huge role in my life. I love music like I love Twinkies....which is a lot. To be honest, I love loud music that incorporates mucho electric guitar and drums. I probably spend too much time with headphones in my ears blaring the wonderful power chord progressions of alternative rock music. It's not inherently bad music, but also isn't the most reverent stuff I could be listening to. That being said, I've found incredible strength in taking two hours out of my day to listen to reverent, reflective music. From 10-11 am and 2-3 pm, I make a point to listen to only quiet hymns that help me focus on the Savior. This has allowed me to utilize my love of music, yet still give specific time for the Spirit to speak through a quiet means. I can't even emphasize how powerful this two hours of my day has proven to be. It's a small thing, but has helped me to keep my focus as the hours of the day move on by.
There are several other points to my daily plan that I won't share today....mostly because this post is starting to run pretty long. The point is: movement. Get up and move. Do something about your struggles. This will allow the full power of redemption to enter your life.
Thanks to everyone who has asked when the next post was coming. There have been several of you. I have five or six drafts written up from the past couple months that I just haven't felt right about. Hence, the lack of posts. I hope they start to become more frequent again, because I enjoy writing them! Feel free to share your thoughts here, on Facebook, or at soldier.on.blog@gmail.com. Thank you my friends. I love you so much!
My name is Spencer. I am a son of God who is drawing closer to God through movement. Actual, real, involved movement. And with that, I soldier on.
"My friends! The tension is here. I dare you to move." -Jon Foreman of Switchfoot
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