God truly does know what we need. I've been amazed to see this in my own life the last couple weeks. He has given me a few special opportunities to spend time with some incredible friends who have inspired me and blessed me with their strength. If there is one thing I've come to learn through these visits, it's that nobody is leading a perfect life. We may put on the mask of perfection around our friends or family, but behind closed doors we all face struggles that nobody could even dream of. Life is no respector of persons; difficult things will/do/and are happening to each of us.
As I walk the trail of my own recovery, I'm learning quickly not to judge other people based on what I observe from the outside. Granted, I'm not perfect. I don't forsee myself becoming perfect in the near future. But I'm trying really hard to give people the benefit of the doubt and understand life from their eyes. It's so easy to judge somebody based on their life situation, the choices they've made, etc. One of the greatest ironies of ever, though, is how quick we are to judge one another when heavens only knows what it is we're struggling with in our own lives! If we could only know, if we could truly understand what each individual around us is going through, I think we would all be ashamed of the judgemental thoughts that had previously passed through our minds.
Again, I'm learning this lesson all the time because I'm far from perfect at this. But as I've had the chance to talk to some good friends and hear their stories, I've realized that the greatest men I've ever known in my life are the broken men. Whether they're broken as a result of their own choices or circumstances outside their control, it doesn't matter. It's their brokenness, and their willingness to get up and keep pressing forward (sometimes against the waves of naysayers) that inspires me.
How silly it is to expect our fellow human beings to live at some incredible standard of perfection while we sit by struggling with our own vices! How silly it is to be soldiers in the single greatest fight over the souls of men and expect our fellow fighters to come out unscathed. What if Helaman had judged the quality of his stripling warriors based on who had received wounds and who had not? Not a single one of those soldiers would have remained in his army for long. Though none of them died, all came out wounded, some having bled to the point of fainting. Yet he commended each for his strength, for his valor, and for his willingness to continue fighting.
So it is with life. Some of us will walk off the battlefield at the end of the day with gaping wounds, and others with scratches. But both need to be attended to, and both require sympathy from friends. At the end of the day, though, not one of us will be judged for the wounds inflicted by others or by oneself; rather, we will be judged for a willingness to stand back up, bandage the wounds properly, and get back into the fight.
To my friends in recovery, I say this: don't hate on yourself for being a wounded fighter. Get up and bandage that wound (i.e. repentance process man!) and get back into the fight. And if it takes bandaging wounds over and over again until you figure things out, so be it! Feeling unworthy for having to repent multiple times is like refusing to cast a broken bone because you've broken several other bones before. That's just stupid. So never feel unworthy.
The greatest men I've ever known are fighters. They've been knocked down, but they get back up. They don't profess perfection; in fact, sometimes they're far too hard on themselves. But they keep going. They keep standing. They can take hits and deal them back. And that's why they're the greatest. I want to be like those men. Thank you for being my heroes.
My name is Spencer. I am a recovering addict, and I hope one day to be a force like the great men and women around me. And so I soldier on.
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