Think about it, though. There's only one way the skinny kid could ever beat the beast in the wrestling ring: if the wrestling champion let's him win. There's no other conceivable way this could ever happen. The beast-man simply has to say, "You know what? I don't feel like winning today. So I relinquish all my awesomness to this tiny little man. I don't care that this puts my career at risk or makes a laughingstock of my reputation; it's just easier not to try this time." Meanwhile, little-man is all like, "Whoooo! I'm not going to get my behind handed to me today!" Because he knew that otherwise, there was no way he was going to win this match.
This is my life. While physically, I may more closely resemble the tiny chess man, I actually consider myself a spiritual giant. Sure, I have weaknesses, flaws, and things that generally keep me from further progression....but don't we all? I'm trying to improve myself everyday and workout the "spiritual muscles" that are going to help me win in my day-to-day matches. But while I'm certainly not perfect and have not yet reached my full potential, I think my desire to improve makes me a good man and a fighter with real promise. Meanwhile, Satan thinks he's awesome just because he's clever enough to win some chess matches; but at the end of the day, he has no influence or power over me in a man-to-man face-off....unless I give it to him. This is where my current frustration lies. I have the abilities to win 100% of my fights with Satan in my struggle with pornography, but it requires me to want to win 100% of the time.
Elder Dallin H. Oaks summed up the destructive relationship between the tempter and the temptee in a conference talk from October 2004 entitled Be Not Deceived. He said:
"Satan also seeks to deceive us about right and wrong and persuade us that there is no such thing as sin. This detour typically starts off with what seems to be only a small departure: “Just try it once. One beer or one cigarette or one porno movie won’t hurt.” What all of these departures have in common is that each of them is addictive. Addiction is a condition in which we surrender part of our power of choice. When we do that we give the devil power over us. The prophet Nephi described where this leads: the devil says, “There is no hell,” and, “I am no devil, for there is none--and thus he whispereth in their ears, until he grasps them with his awful chains, from whence there is no deliverance."
To my fellow recovering addicts, I know how frustrating it is to feel like you are constantly in the bonds of the adversary. People around us ask in constant frustration, "Why can't you just stop it?" Some even treat us with resentment or hate because of our weaknesses. Do not let this impede your fight. No outside force can stop you from moving forward unless you give it power to, including Satan himself. I say this as much to myself as to anybody else, because I for one desperately need to hear it. Satan may seem intimidating and clever, but he truly is only as powerful as we allow him to be. So get up and keep moving forward.
To those who look upon an addict with any sort of apprehension, please know that the frustration you feel over them is magnified by 100 within themselves. I personally can say there are some days where it's difficult to live with myself and my mistakes. When I say I'm learning to love myself again, I really mean that in the most real sense. If that's not enough to just "stop it", then there must be more to this thing. We could use your help in this fight. Your love, encouragement, and open-armed acceptance would mean so much more than rejection and anger to the addicts in your life.
Woof, that was a tangent if there ever was one. You know what's cool about having your own blog? You can get off on tangents whenever you want! Anywho, bringing it back. Nephi talks about how in the final days, we will look upon Satan and say, in essence, "This is the guy who caused us so many issues?" He will look that small and weak; we will see him as the nancy drew that he really is. We will wonder how it was that he had so much influence over us in our earthly lives when, clearly, we had every advantage over him. I for one am looking forward to that day. In the meantime, though, I need to learn to see Satan for who he is: not a beastly, tough, fighting champion; but rather a weak, tiny, though admitedly clever nancy drew. But cleverness is all he has. And his cleverness is a falsety. We have wisdom, strength, and the backing of an eternal God to keep pushing us forward.
I don't know if this post made any sense. In case you can't tell, I'm experiencing some intense internal frustrations right now. Thanks for reading my rant, if you've made it this far. Here's the sum-up: we are made to be amazing. We are made to be strong. We are made to beat the adversary, and will only ever lose if we allow ourselves to. For me, it's time to pull out of the rut of mediocrity and start being the man I was sent here to be. Satan cannot stand in my way unless I allow him to. If I choose to stop handing over my power to win, he has no chance in the fight against me. If I choose to rely on the ultimate trainer, my Savior, I will be given strength far beyond that which my opponent holds. I thank my God for not giving up on me and for standing by me through the self-inflicted losses. He believes in me. I thank each of you for your help and support in pushing me forward. With the help of one another, we can each win our personal fights against Satan and regain the power that is rightfully ours.
My name is Spencer. I am a son of God and a recovering addict. I have the abilities to beat Satan if I allow myself to. God loves me, and I love Him. And with that, I soldier on.
No comments:
Post a Comment