The first is really a warm-fuzzy occurence more than anything. I had the chance to substitue in a primary class at church a couple of Sundays ago. I love primary. Like, I hope every calling I'm ever given lands me in the primary. My maturity levels peaked at about age 9, so I feel like I fit in perfectly there! I like to stand and sing while doing crazy hand motions; I like saying random comments that don't really pertain to anything; and most of all, I like treats. Primary is where I belong. Anyways, this particular group consisted of 9-10 year olds. I especially enjoyed spending the second hour with them in sharing time. The kids sang a welcome song to my friend and I (whom I was substituting with), and constantly were involving us in their activities, songs, scripture recitation, etc. There was only smiles for the whole hour. I could almost physically feel the purity emnating off of the children, reminding me of why the Savior is so compassionate to the little ones. They truly are the pure and most loving among us. I feel more welcomed in a room full of kids then I do in a room full of adults, knowing that they hold no judgement because they generally see no fault. I want to live up to those expectations; but I also want to treat all people around me with that same kind of pure, unassuming love that children have.
The second instance was far more specific, and will likely be an event that I hold dear in my heart for a long time (does that sound cheesy? That totally sounds cheesy....but it's true!). I'm pretty sure for awhile now, most of my siblings have been aware of my addiction. My little brother and first little sister have been incredibly supportive to me for a long time now. The baby sister, though, having just turned twelve, has never really been old enough to guess that anything was going on until recently.
That all changed very quickly the day after I posted my first blog just a couple of weeks ago. When I returned home from work that afternoon, my mom was telling me about some of the positive response she had received concerning the blog (thank you all for your wonderful support!). Baby sis, in the meantime, is listening and interjecting questions that only a youngest sibling would do during the middle of an adult conversation: "What did Spencer do?" "What did Spencer do?" "What did Spencer do?" "What did Spencer do?" When we finally decided to acknowledge the question-asking, mom invited me to share with sis what was going on.
There are a lot of positives to being the oldest sibling. I have been around for the entirety of my little siblings' lives and have been able to watch them grow from brand-new babies to where they are now. I can still remember the first time I held baby sis in the hospital after she was born. I remember changing her diapers, giving her baths, playing with her, and loading her up in some fancy bike carrier to take her on bike rides. She will always be an innocent, wide-eyed, cute little girl in my eyes. That being said, it was incredibly difficult to look her in the eyes this particular afternoon and explain my addiction to her.
I will never forget the response. After explaining the basics of the addiction to her, and answering the questions she had, she took just a moment to let it sink in. Then, without any further hesitation, she asked me to go on a walk with her and the dog. It was like the conversation hadn't even happened! She accepted what I struggled with and immediately moved on. We went on a nice walk together where we talked about school, boys, and all the things twelve year old girls are thinking about. There was zero judgement and zero disgust. She has been only kind to me ever since. I know that she's doesn't define me but the thing that I struggle with. She sees me as the big brother who has helped to take care of her for twelve years. I could not have been more grateful for the pure and unassuming love of my baby sis. She did an amazing service to her oldest brother that day.
I'm learning everyday to be more compassionate. I wish I could say I could love purely and forgive frankly as Nephi did, and as my sister so perfectly demonstrated to me. I wish I could be the innnocent child that I once was. But I know that over time, I can develop those qualities again and become more like a child in the way that I love people. I love my sisters and brothers and appreciate the lessons they are teaching me everyday. I'm grateful for children, and the important examples they are to us judgement-filled adults.
My name is Spencer. I am a son of God and a recovering addict. I'm learning lessons everyday from the truly pure among us--the children. And with that, I soldier on.
My name is Spencer. I am a son of God and a recovering addict. I'm learning lessons everyday from the truly pure among us--the children. And with that, I soldier on.
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